The new normal - how to stay sane.

So 4 weeks into this new normal for us, I thought I would try to summarise what I’ve figured out to be the most helpful things to remember to stop yourself feeling overwhelmed and keep some semblance of sanity.

It’s been a very emotional time, with moments of absolute joy and relief at having my family at home with me, safe, moments of unbelievable stress (didn’t realise before I was the sort of person to throw things in anger!), relentless and depressing news and information from every source, sad times learning about the challenges the people I know are facing, worries about how all of this will affect the future for all of us, happiness in the amount of birdsong I can hear in the car free quiet and more and more and more.

And while we are experiencing this rollercoaster of emotion, we can only guess at how this is affecting our children. My 3 year old has started sucking his thumb at times, and both children have had many nights sleeping in my bed or setting up camp on my floor, both of which give me some pretty big clues, but there are also many good things I’ve noticed. It’s a gift for them to have the opportunity of my time, and a Dad who is working from home so here more without a long commute, and so much time just to be together. No rushing out of bed in the morning or to after school activities, chances to choose what to do with their day, hours exploring the fields and footpaths near our house (the weather has definitely helped with this!), and cuddling up watching TV together. That might sound idyllic, but believe me, that’s only half of the picture! It breaks my heart not to be able to answer questions like “when will I be able to see my friends again?” “what will happen for my birthday?” “what if the germs never go away?” and every day brings its own share of arguments, tantrums and me just desperate for 5 minutes alone.

So what have I figured out to help me to weather this storm?

Prioritise wellbeing over achievement. I’m a list ticker, do-it-all sort of person, but having to slow down what I can do and realise I will literally burn out if I keep on at a normal pace has seen me have more early nights and relaxed days than ever. Getting enough sleep and eating well are probably the most useful things you can do right now to keep yourself well.

Find time to do things you love. For me, that is cooking and reading, and will be different for all of us, but doing things that genuinely bring you joy will help your brain and bodies be more resilient and cope better with the demands of the constant low level stress we are all facing every day. I’d forgotten how much I like taking time to cook a meal rather than rush something to the table.

Exercise. Even for people who don’t usually make time to exercise, it’s suddenly shot up the list to do for many people as it is an approved reason to leave the house, and for very good reason. Some moderate physical activity each day is well documented as a way to boost your immune system and reduce stress, and getting us all out of the house for half an hour or so each day improves things immeasurably. Children are happier, easier and I’m much less shoutier.

Look at trees and green things. This will lower your stress, balance your mind and bring you happiness without you even noticing. Doesn’t need to be a beautiful forest, just noticing the plants starting to grow in your garden, the trees along your road will do. There have even been studies showing that hospital patients recover quicker if the view from their window is of trees rather than buildings. And if you can’t leave the house, try watch nature documentaries instead.

Don’t compare. It might seem that everyone else is aceing this home educating, juggling working and teaching, making memories with their children thing, way more than you but believe me, they’re not. You’re doing the best job you can, and all that you need to, that is right for you and your family. The goal of the next few weeks isn’t to learn a new skill, or get your child to be the first to do x,y,z, in their class, but rather to make sure your children feel loved, valued and happy, and your family stays safe. Anything more is a bonus. Take a step back and think about what feeling loved and safe looks like to your little ones, and before you post glowing summaries of amazing days on Facebook, give a thought to someone reading it who hasn’t been able to do those things and how it might make them feel. Maybe save the proud moments for close friends and family only.

Spend time talking to people who bring positivity to your day. We all have friends who make us feel good and focus on the positive, and people we know who make us feel anxious, inferior or emotionally drained. Choose where you spend your time wisely, for your own wellbeing. It’s easier to choose your interactions than it ever has been before.

Limit your time on social media and news. It is deliberately compelling and addictive, the ever updating newsfeed and live news updates. Try to limit looking at updates to once or twice a day, leave your phone in a different room, or at home if you go for a walk, and downstairs when you go to bed. You won’t regret it. Use it to stay in touch with people you want to and focus on their news only. (now this I’m definitely still working on, the more tired or stressed I am, the more absorbed I get by my phone, the more crazy my kids get and so on and so on!)

None of these ideas are new, or life changing, and really should apply to life all the time, but having to stop much of what we usually do is a great opportunity to think about our priorities and reset a little.

Above all, give yourself and your family a break. We’re all just trying to do our best, but we’re only human and not superheroes. So if your day doesn’t go as planned, or your children’s behaviour looks off the wall, maybe this is the time to go with the flow, accept the situation for what it is and remember tomorrow is always a new day.